It is no small secret that are President Trump is a visionary and truly an American in his soul, but he never fails to surprise the nation with his devotion to America. On Monday morning, insiders at the White House report that the president had a eureka moment whilst watching Fox News.

Recently, a liberal “Marine” general called for the removal of all Confederate flags and other items to be removed from Marine Bases across the country, sparking outrage. When the President caught wind of it, he was reportedly incensed.

“Lincoln was wrong,” he is reported to have told an aide bringing him his 8th Diet Coke of the morning. “Who did he think he was? The President? To go telling people that they have to give up their personal property? They weren’t even citizens.”

Spurned on by this latest insult to Confederate Americans, the President is expected to make an announcement sometime this week, acknowledging that the Confederacy was in the right, the Union in the wrong, and to re-categorize Lincoln as a Democrat, not a Republican. He also hinted at, as reparations for the Confederacy, offering to recall the 13th Amendment.

“History has forgotten much,” the President opined. “But they’ll remember that I was always on the side of Confederate property owners.”

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