Police in Arkansas have begun a grid search of the interior forests of Batt County after a grave was discovered by campers. The grave contained four bodies and all of their belongings. Two of them were women in their 20s directly connected to Bill Clinton. The grave is estimated to be about 30-years-old.

Lead investigator, Colonel Joe Barron of the Arkansas Mounted Forest Patrol, says they have no idea how the bodies got there or if there’s a connection to the Clintons, but he intends to find out. He also called for cadaver dogs to search the woods, just in case this isn’t the only dumping ground.

“The area is remote,” said Barron, “so much so, we’re questioning why anyone was out here camping.” A separate investigation into whether or not the campers were dumping their own bodies or possibly cooking methamphetamine is underway.

We reached out to the Clintons for a comment, but they have us blocked in every way imaginable because we’re “not good for a functioning democracy,” whatever that means. The coroner is working to find the cause of death, but with the bodies so degraded, there’s little left but their very conveniently-available driver’s licenses.

We’ll keep you updated on this story as it develops. Literally.

God bless America.


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