This just in and exclusive to our website : hundreds of so-called “migrants” have been caught at the southern border by United States Border Guard officials carrying already filled-out mail-in voting ballots.
Guess which party they’re already filled in for? Did you say “Democrat?” Well, you’d be wrong.
First of all, there isn’t a “democrat” party. There’s a Democratic party, if that’s what you meant. So you can stop saying that, because it makes you sound like an ignorant dick.
Second of all, all of the discovered ballots are filled in for the Pretzels and Pac Man party, since they’re actually advertisements for party and arcade chain Dave and Buster’s, who are throwing the fete this coming October.
Each ballot carries the name “Sandra Batt” on it, just above a coupon which entitles the bearer to twice the game tokens for the regular token price, along with a large barrelful of pretzels.
Many of the ballots were found folded up in the immigrant’s pockets, along with old AOL Starter Kit floppy discs and oil change coupons from Walmart.
“I want to play the new House of the Dead game!” said one excited youngster in the group, who said his name was Juan Toyank. “And eat great big American pretzels!”
Unfortunately, he and the others were then quickly kidnapped and sent to Mississippi, the absolute worst state in the union where nobody would really notice because they’re all high on meth.
