Cracker Barrel Goes “Woke”

Say it isn’t so.  Chicken Fried steaks and gay rights?  Western omelets and Pride month?  Unfortunately, it is so.  Cracker Barrel, once an American institution of comfort food has gone woke.

Cracker Barrel restaurants are a staple, especially in the southern United States where mostly stupid people live.  But now it’s been noticed that they’ve released a two-part flyer that advertises “Pride month” and inclusion.   What bastards.

With Wendy’s, Applebees, and even Chik-fil-a restaurants bending their knees to suck a dick, what remains for these antique past-their-prime paperweights to frequent?  Sandy Batt of the Mature Loser’s Collective weighs in.

“It’s just another depressing thing,” she moaned.  “Where are we going to eat and shop?  We can’t stop boycotting.  Target, Walmart, Disney, now Cracker Barrel.  It really sucks to be a conservative choad nowadays.”

We contacted Cracker Barrel’s management at their headquarters in Queeftown, Florida for a statement, but the entire office was out having a party with drag queens at a nearby Arby’s.

Did anyone else see “Fast X”?  It kinda sucked, didn’t it?  I mean, it had all the ridiculous car stunts, but really, less of them.  Jason Momoa was pretty good as the douchebag villain.  Needed more Statham.  I’d give it a solid B-.

Thanks for reading.