The FBI asked a federal judge-magistrate for a warrant to exhume the grave of Ivana Trump. Mrs. Trump, who fell and died accidentally, is buried in a consecrated grave at Trump’s Bedminster Golf Club. According to the warrant request, the feds want to know why a woman who was reportedly cremated required a casket and 9 people to carry it.
“We believe Trump knew he was pooched and decided to literally bury the evidence when the opportunity presented itself,” said Special Agent in Charge Joe Barron, “we fully expect to find classified documents and a decent amount of the Dolly Madison’s silver.”
Trump says the whole thing is just another Democrat plot to make him look like a monster. “I can’t believe they’re gonna dig her up,” he said, “leave her alone. She’s never looked better.” Ivanka, standing next to him when he made joke, flipped her hair and giggled like a teenager.
The judge-magistrate is expected to rule on the warrant tomorrow after his basketball game. Trump has until then to unearth his ex, ditch the coffin, and dump the shoebox holding her into the hole. It won’t be easy, but if anyone can pull it off, it’s Donald Trump.
God bless America.
