For many years, it’s been an option for anyone to check a small box on the form at the DMV while applying or renewing a driver’s license, identifying the cardholder as an “organ donor”, thereby allowing one’s internal body parts to be given to others in need in the event of a fatal accident.
With the advent of the Democrat’s house bill 8231, however, that option will no longer be available, and your bodily charity will become the law of the land. Whether you like it or not, mister.
“I do happen to have an extra nipple lying around right now if the price is right, hon.”
The bill is the brainchild of Congresswoman Sandra Batt of Montana, a first term Democrat, who took the idea from an identical piece of legislation currently being discussed in Switzerland. That’s right, Switzerland, the socialist nation known for hot cocoa, their octopus-like knife, and a James Bond movie where Roger Moore went skiing and pissed off Christopher Walken by playing Duran Duran constantly.
The liberal lawmaker detailed her reasoning behind 8231.
“Its the most logical and sensible thing to do in a medical sense. Organ donation patients are desperate and numerous, and too often ignored. There’s no reason not to donate organs after the worst happens. What are you doing with them then? Nothing, that’s what.”
“Don’t give me religious bullshit reasons either, or ‘government getting involved in your body.’ With Republicans clomping around restricting women’s rights to their own medical decisions, they should be supportive of this. More of the same. You want us to own your body, fine. Suck it.”
Moore spent his later years bursting into gynecology clinics at random and yelling “I’m the Emporer of Octopussy!”
The bill has already found an easy path through the House of Congress, and is expected to pass through the Senate some time next week. Some pushback may come from Republican districts whose constituents tend to qualify as nearly or often completely deceased.
Is this the ultimate example of big government overreach by the liberal left, or a sensible solution that will save countless lives, using the medically-imposing logic of the glassy-eyed far right? Either way, I’m calling dibs on that liver.
Flagg Eagleton is the son of an American potato farmer and a patriot. After spending 4 years in the Navy and 7 on welfare picking himself up by the bootstraps, Flagg finally got his HVAC certificate and is hard at work keeping the mobile homes of Tallahassee at a comfy 83 degrees.
