If there’s one thing Representitive Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez won’t ever learn to do, it’s let go of a petty grudge.
After her dramatic public description of her experience during the Trump-led domestic terror attack in January, Congress’s little Lady Wah Wah has made it abundantly clear that in her view, a second impeachment resulting in no criminal charges for the disgraced former President wasn’t enough. During a statement made in an interview with Nail Art Magazine’s Joe Barron last week, Cortez waxed la boca loca on the subject.
“It’s like, the guy basically ordered all the freaks in his old people cult to riot and kill us. I was crouched in a corner, fearing for my life. Do you know what that kind of thing does to stretchy pants from Mervyn’s? I’m going to have to give them to my friend who’s a size two now, because they’re useless!”
“How am I supposed to wear this blouse again after some mad dog swilling roofer saw it with his goober eyes!”
The Venezuela Vibing Vixen then turned to the punishment she feels Trump deserves for his historic turn against the country’s citizens and patriotism.
“I don’t know why he’s not forced to wear an ankle monitor, frankly. When I was a bartender, we had this cook who robbed a wig store and led the police on a chase. He had some kind of weird thing for wigs. Anyway, he had to wear one in the kitchen. Guy made a great cheese stick. His pants were always all hairy though. He probs should have shopped at Mervyns.”
“Machete shops at Ross. Dresses for less.”
Many media outlets have reported that Trump’s Senate trial for the insurrection was dismissed due to purely political reasons, and that justice was ignored for those who were injured and lost their lives. Even more accuse the Trump-fellating throwbacks within the GOP of putting party over country.
Unfortunately, Miss Cortez won’t get her wish. Like the rest of us, she’ll just have to wait for the multitude of lawsuits lining up against the Bulbous Benedict Arnold to carry out the sentence of putting Donald Trump in a prison cell with a bowl of alpo.
Flagg Eagleton is the son of an American potato farmer and a patriot. After spending 4 years in the Navy and 7 on welfare picking himself up by the bootstraps, Flagg finally got his HVAC certificate and is hard at work keeping the mobile homes of Tallahassee at a comfy 83 degrees.
