The Queen is dead, long live the King, or so it’s said. On that note, today is embroiled in history tragically, with the peaceful death of England and Canada’s figurehead at the age of 96 years.
The Queen passed away solemnly in Buckingham palace earlier this afternoon. As royal tradition has it, mirrors were covered and guests severely vetted to coincide with the English circumstances of ‘sitting shiva”, a funeral ritual practiced only by the most proper.
Prince Charles had a stoic and classic comment to make at the official announcement ceremony.
“Ahem. The Queen, whom I referred to as “Old Dusty” has become most delightfully void of movement and full body photosynthesis and circulation. Much resembling my old 1972 Bentley, ahem. Dusty will be missed and possibly mummified, which will not affect her reign a bit. God saves.”
Elizabeth II’s political predilections were widely known, which is why it isn’t that big of a surprise to family members and close friends that she’d made arrangements to leave the bulk of her personal fortune, or, 75 billion pounds, to the Joe Biden 2024 campaign. Biden was asked for comment.
“What? I love Queen. One Vision, man! Iron Eagle! ‘You just lost an airfield!’ Love that kid. Alright.”
According to royal financier and manager of Ringo Starr Sandy Batt, the Queen had a real and true vision for the world after her passing.
“She wanted a normal person in charge of the colonies, and not a losing grifter like Trump. May she rest in peace, le chiam.”
