It’s 11:18 on a sunny Florida morning. I’m sitting outside of the world famous Woke Jemima cafe, staring at the Tesla-filled street and the bird encumbered sky, and waiting for Michelle Obama.
Sometime around 11:35, she pulls up, accompanied by a couple cars full of secret service agents and assorted security. She’s wearing a lovely yellow jumper and dark sunglasses, smiling from ear to ear. We introduce each other and she sits.
“This is a very nice place,” she opines, ordering a half double half-caf mocha with a twist of lemon and a Monte Christo sandwich. “I’ve heard they use aborted fetus meat for their sausages. Isn’t that lovely?”
We make a bit of small talk and I begin the interview by asking her what she’s been doing out of the white house.
“Oh, this and that. Shopping with taxpayer money. Helping women get abortions. The same old same old. I’m also very active in a little ‘CRT’ group, getting that out there to educate the kids. Theyre our future.”
She’s also hired drag queens to be hospital delivery nurses.
The gloves come off when I read a question sent in by one of our readers, Sandy Batt of Queefsville, Maryland. What did she think of Melania Trump as first lady?
“Melania who?” she quipped quickly. “I’m just kidding. That old beat-up whore. You know, she didn’t do anything at all for anyone, so I gotta give her props for staying out of the way. I mean, the poor thing’s dumber than a square tire. Face like Iggy Pop. I’m sure there’s a nice golf course spot picked out for her.”
We end the interview shortly afterwards as she speeds away. In two weeks she’ll be saying: “Fallis who?”
