New “Woke” Monopoly Game Has “Welfare Payments”, “Loan Forgiveness”

Are you a board-gaming fan?  If you are, you’ve probably heard the recent news regarding Mattel’s introduction of their new “woke” version, “Scrabble Together”.  The updated game has features that the company assures us will make it “less competitive”.

Less competitive?  In my universe, that’s kind of the whole point of board games.

And now there’s Parker Brothers.  Not to be outdone, they’re premiering the new “PolyOpoly” game this month in a desperate bid to stay on the cutting edge of wokeness.  It’s a terrible new alternative version of Monopoly.

The new pastime includes payments made from a “welfare” roll bank to players when they drop below a certain level of sustainability.  This is free and clear money, just like the forgiveable loans guaranteed later in the so-called competition.

What is PolyOpoly certain to teach to the young set and players?  We asked conservative monetary expert Joe Barron that question.

“Nothing good.  It teaches them that you’ll never run out of money in this world, that there’ll always be someone there to help you, and all kinds of communist shit like that.  Thy should just call it ‘StalinOpoly’, if you ask me.”

Like it or not, the game goes on sale this coming weekend at any local retailer.  Saints preserve us.