It was bound to happen. After President Joe Biden got the bill passed that will help pay off massive interest-accruing student loans, four of our nation’s most prestigious universities just tossed in the towel and cancelled giving them out altogether.
Bartlett College, University of California at Sunnydale, Adams College, and Faber college have all issued press-releases making that point very clear.
“My student loan was paid off by decapitated nazis and giant rolling balls by the time I was 40,” says Bartlett graduate and faculty member Henry Jr. “Indiana” Jones. “Why can’t these kids just grab a whip like anyone else?”
Adams college students celebrated the news with a dance including popular fraternity Lambda Lambda Lambda and Omega Mu with music by Poindexter on the violin. Farber did similar, but with a food fight and several arrests.
Without the crucial student financial aid, it’s worrisome that graduating classes at these Universities will dwindle within the next few years. Students at Port Chester University have been vocal about this possibility.
“Who’s going to go to see ‘Everybody Gets Laid’ and George Clinton next week at the party, man? I swear to God, this goddamn place isn’t even safe for those vegans and sweet little Trumptards anymore.”
