Unless you’ve been hiding underneath the bed in mommy’s basement eating Frito pies and hugging your wubbie, you’ve probably heard about Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi’s husband being pulled over for a DUI incident in California’s Napa County.
Police say Paul Pelosi had been travelling at a “high rate of speed” in the 45-mile per hour zone between Queef Squirt and Blumpkin Hills wineries, weaving unceremoniously and jumping over hay bales. He was clocked at 171 miles per hour with a blood alcohol level of 5.5.
As we all know, however, thanks to Hillary Clinton’s despicable murders, the Obama kid’s school shenanigans, and Biden’s n’er-do-well son Hunter plotting to corner the market on the Russian glue-sniffing industry, Democrats never pay for their crimes.
Enter Vice President Kamala Harris.
Harris appeared in federal court a day ago on Pelosi’s behalf, and sweet-talked Judge Joseph Barron into dropping all charges in exchange for a coffee and muffin date on Saturday night with guaranteed “handiwork” and a nice knitted penis hat.
Upon his release, Pelosi was driven straight to a liquor store, where he purchased seven bottles of “Mad Dog 20/20” liquor, and set off for the nearest Olive Garden restaurant, where he was again re-arrested for throwing breadsticks at the dartboard and impregnating an order of lasagna.
