“Woke” Hershey’s Debuts Gender Neutral “They” Bars

Do you remember when buying a chocolate bar wasn’t a big deal?  This was way back in the 50’s, when a nickel could get you a slab of delicious pure chocolate and, possibly, a golden ticket to visit the Wonka factory.

Fast forward to today’s liberal “woke” paradise world, and just by laying down that three dollars or so for a midday snack, you’re committing to a desperate political point and laying, what may just be, you and your children’s lives on the line.

Thanks to chocolatier Hershey’s, the question now being asked is “what’s your pronoun?” before you buy.  Are you a he, a she, or maybe a non-committal freak of a THEY?  It’s okay if you are, apparently, because they have you covered, Kylie.

Hershey’s now boasts their newest line of Pronoun Bars, made with three separate wrappers, denoting the “he”, “she”, and “they” labels.  Sure, we can see momma bear Russel chomping on his/her “they” bar in an open park with kids playing and getting read to by drag queens.

I know what you’re asking.  “What makes these gender bars gendery besides the wrapper?” For that, we’ll turn to Hershey’s head of Homomarketing Sandra Batt.

“The he bars are chock full of testosterone, and the she bars include estrogen, at about 800 parts per million.  The they bars just contain a little bit of cocaine and insect gonads, which is actually very healthy for your vagipenis.”

And there you have it.  Will YOU be buying these monstrosities?  If so, you’d better be ready to take the seat off your bicycle.  Or put one on.  Either way, you’ll probably crash into a gay bathhouse.