Whoopi Goldberg started off this week’s View storyline right off the bat with strong and fawning admiration for Olympic swimmer Lia Thomas.
“She is the absolute face of good America,” she said proudly, waving her arms and standing up defiantly. “And she scares the hell out of those disgusting citizens who only care about what happens in our bedrooms.”
The announcement came to a huge round of applause from the in-studio audience as well as the other hosts.
Whoopi was, of course, referring to Thomas being a transsexual person. As we well know, there are many bigoted and moronic old boomers still left who disagree.
One of those morons is Joe Barron, a forklift driver and engineer from Queefblastery, Pennsylvania.
“If’n she gots balls and a weiner, she ain’t a she, she a man. Everybody knows that. It ain’t no secret.”
Thomas, however, disagrees, after suffering through years of planned surgeries, public argument, and family problems. She claims to have been in the wrong body type, and doesn’t take kindly to those raving against.
“It’s really very simple. If you’re born with a cleft pallet? You don’t just leave it and claim it’s ‘God’s will’. Siamese twins are separated. Why? So they can live happily and healthily. Which is what I want.”
Thomas just doesn’t understand what hurts conservative Americans so much about their private parts that they need them perfectly reflected in the media and sports. Perhaps they’re just sad and crushingly old.
